You are the answer!

Hey everyone,

I wanted to let you girls know how the Lord changed my life this week.
First, I'll give you some background information. I have been struggling and battling with anxiety and hypochondria all of my life. I went through a really bad patch this summer and decided to start taking medicine. The medicine worked well and took away my anxiety, but it also dulled my emotions. I hated the way I felt on the medicine and decided to stop taking it about 3 or 4 months ago. Since then, my anxiety has come back full force and stronger than ever.

I recently started Step Studies at the Village. Last Saturday was the first week we met in our groups, and I had one of the worst panic attacks that I've ever experienced. The anxiety didn't go away like normal, and I was anxious for about three days straight. I was bitter and angry at God. I was saying things like "I'm doing something good by attending Step Studies and by digging deep into Your Word so that I can know You more and this is what You're doing? Why??" I talked to a few of you girls at homegroup last week and Britt and Jana really encouraged me to talk to their roommate Ashly Taylor. This is just the beginning of how the Lord provided even when I thought He was far from me.

I met with Ashly Taylor this past Wednesday, January 20th, to talk about my anxiety. I talked to her once before at Britt and Jana's house when we all went over to have dinner and play Catch Phrase. Anyway, we began talking and I immediately felt like the Holy Spirit was there. She and I have so many things in common regarding our anxiety. I felt understood, encouraged, and comfortable. Then Ashly began to reveal things to me about my anxiety:

1.Fear is a sin
2. Anxiety is rooted in me not thinking God is good or that He is enough to meet my needs.
3. Comfort is a HUGE idol in my life. When I'm uncomfortable I feel anxious.
4. I feel entitled to things because of my anxiety. I would think things like "Well I deserve to have this or that because my life is hard." I deserve NOTHING!!!

As she spoke to me, the Lord in His grace decided to reveal some things too:
1. My anxiety is a GIFT. The Lord is pursuing me and pushing me toward Him through it. I never prayed unless I was anxious. This was the Lord's way of drawing me to Him. All the times I prayed for my anxiety to go away, the Lord was answering me. His answer was "No, it's the only way you will NEED me and SEE me."
2. The Lord was always PROVIDING. Every bad day I had with my anxiety was just another day that God was preparing my heart to meet with Ashly and relate to her in the way that I did. The Lord also provided me with ways to combat my anxiety. I now feel HOPE in knowing that I'm not alone and that HE IS IN CONTROL.
3. The Lord's timing is PERFECT. If I didn't have my anxiety attack at Step Studies, I wouldn't have been led to Ashly through my gospel community.
4. The Lord PURSUED ME. I didn't find Him on my own or come to these amazing revelations because of my own wisdom or goodness. The Lord revealed Himself in His perfect timing for His GLORY and my eventual joy.

Just because the Lord revealed all of these things to me and provided me with truth and biblical community doesn't mean that I still don't or won't struggle with anxiety. "In the world you will have tribulation." John 16:33 But God in His Grace has given me hope, comfort, knowledge, and joy."In all their suffering He suffered. and the angel of His presence saved them. He redeemed them because of His love and compassion." Isaiah 63:9 He has given me this experience to look back on and know that He answers prayer and provides. Even when we can't feel Him, He is still working in our lives. We just have to trust that He knows what's best for us and that He works ALL THINGS for GOOD.

This weekend at Step Studies the Lord provided even more abundantly than I thought possible. Since I had such a rough time last weekend, I was fearful of having another attack during small group. I knew all of these truths: the Lord is good, He will provide, He answers prayer, and His timing is perfect. I knew that I had to trust in all of these things and step out in faith and allow Him to be God. As small group began, I could feel anxiety welling up with in me, but then I felt something I don't believe I had ever truly experience before. I FELT PEACE. The Lord blesses those who STEP OUT IN FAITH and trust Him. Hallelujah! Because of my anxiety, I feel like I appreciated PEACE in a totally different way. I needed to feel anxious to experience peace in that way.

The ONLY reason I tell you all this is to GIVE GOD THE GLORY. He opened my eyes and revealed so many things that I don't deserve. I feel like a completely new and changed person. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17 I am SO UNWORTHY of His love and His grace in revealing Himself to me this week and I am so humbled to know that despite all of my sin He still provides and answers prayers.

I really wanted to encourage you guys. I hope you can see the Lord through this story and NOT ME. Please be comforted in knowing that the Lord is near and He is working in you and answering your prayers even if you can't see it right now. "Take courage, I AM HERE!" Matthew 14:27 "For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow into our lifes, so also through Christ, our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 1:5

"My lips will glorify YOU because Your faithful love is better than life." Psalm 63:3

~Megan