Hey everyone,
I wanted to let you girls know how the Lord changed my life this week.
First, I'll give you some background information. I have been struggling and battling with anxiety and hypochondria all of my life. I went through a really bad patch this summer and decided to start taking medicine. The medicine worked well and took away my anxiety, but it also dulled my emotions. I hated the way I felt on the medicine and decided to stop taking it about 3 or 4 months ago. Since then, my anxiety has come back full force and stronger than ever.
I recently started Step Studies at the Village. Last Saturday was the first week we met in our groups, and I had one of the worst panic attacks that I've ever experienced. The anxiety didn't go away like normal, and I was anxious for about three days straight. I was bitter and angry at God. I was saying things like "I'm doing something good by attending Step Studies and by digging deep into Your Word so that I can know You more and this is what You're doing? Why??" I talked to a few of you girls at homegroup last week and Britt and Jana really encouraged me to talk to their roommate Ashly Taylor. This is just the beginning of how the Lord provided even when I thought He was far from me.
I met with Ashly Taylor this past Wednesday, January 20th, to talk about my anxiety. I talked to her once before at Britt and Jana's house when we all went over to have dinner and play Catch Phrase. Anyway, we began talking and I immediately felt like the Holy Spirit was there. She and I have so many things in common regarding our anxiety. I felt understood, encouraged, and comfortable. Then Ashly began to reveal things to me about my anxiety:
1.Fear is a sin
2. Anxiety is rooted in me not thinking God is good or that He is enough to meet my needs.
3. Comfort is a HUGE idol in my life. When I'm uncomfortable I feel anxious.
4. I feel entitled to things because of my anxiety. I would think things like "Well I deserve to have this or that because my life is hard." I deserve NOTHING!!!
As she spoke to me, the Lord in His grace decided to reveal some things too:
1. My anxiety is a GIFT. The Lord is pursuing me and pushing me toward Him through it. I never prayed unless I was anxious. This was the Lord's way of drawing me to Him. All the times I prayed for my anxiety to go away, the Lord was answering me. His answer was "No, it's the only way you will NEED me and SEE me."
2. The Lord was always PROVIDING. Every bad day I had with my anxiety was just another day that God was preparing my heart to meet with Ashly and relate to her in the way that I did. The Lord also provided me with ways to combat my anxiety. I now feel HOPE in knowing that I'm not alone and that HE IS IN CONTROL.
3. The Lord's timing is PERFECT. If I didn't have my anxiety attack at Step Studies, I wouldn't have been led to Ashly through my gospel community.
4. The Lord PURSUED ME. I didn't find Him on my own or come to these amazing revelations because of my own wisdom or goodness. The Lord revealed Himself in His perfect timing for His GLORY and my eventual joy.
Just because the Lord revealed all of these things to me and provided me with truth and biblical community doesn't mean that I still don't or won't struggle with anxiety. "In the world you will have tribulation." John 16:33 But God in His Grace has given me hope, comfort, knowledge, and joy."In all their suffering He suffered. and the angel of His presence saved them. He redeemed them because of His love and compassion." Isaiah 63:9 He has given me this experience to look back on and know that He answers prayer and provides. Even when we can't feel Him, He is still working in our lives. We just have to trust that He knows what's best for us and that He works ALL THINGS for GOOD.
This weekend at Step Studies the Lord provided even more abundantly than I thought possible. Since I had such a rough time last weekend, I was fearful of having another attack during small group. I knew all of these truths: the Lord is good, He will provide, He answers prayer, and His timing is perfect. I knew that I had to trust in all of these things and step out in faith and allow Him to be God. As small group began, I could feel anxiety welling up with in me, but then I felt something I don't believe I had ever truly experience before. I FELT PEACE. The Lord blesses those who STEP OUT IN FAITH and trust Him. Hallelujah! Because of my anxiety, I feel like I appreciated PEACE in a totally different way. I needed to feel anxious to experience peace in that way.
The ONLY reason I tell you all this is to GIVE GOD THE GLORY. He opened my eyes and revealed so many things that I don't deserve. I feel like a completely new and changed person. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17 I am SO UNWORTHY of His love and His grace in revealing Himself to me this week and I am so humbled to know that despite all of my sin He still provides and answers prayers.
I really wanted to encourage you guys. I hope you can see the Lord through this story and NOT ME. Please be comforted in knowing that the Lord is near and He is working in you and answering your prayers even if you can't see it right now. "Take courage, I AM HERE!" Matthew 14:27 "For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow into our lifes, so also through Christ, our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 1:5
"My lips will glorify YOU because Your faithful love is better than life." Psalm 63:3
~Megan
Monday, January 25, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
No more checklists!
Hey girls,
I was doing my step studies homework tonight and just reflecting on Genesis 3:1-13 The Fall of Man. I have read this story too many times to count. This story was read to me over and over during my Christian school days. Until now, I never fully realized the weight of my sin.
Gen. 3:8-10: 8. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?" 10. He (man) answered, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."
Before I came to the village I was just like Adam and Eve. The Lord obviously knew my sin, but instead of going to Him for help I decided to hide my face from Him when I needed Him the most. I'm so thankful for a homegroup full of ladies who are open and honest with each other. I've never experienced a place where I could talk about my sin and get Godly counsel and advice. I've always been told to keep my problems inside and deal with them myself until I was "good enough" for God. That's exactly what I did. I tried to get to a place where I was "good enough" to start my relationship with Him. You can imagine what that did to my relationsip with the Lord. I fell into the trap of "religion over relationship". My relationship with Christ was a checklist that I needed to complete in order to be worthy enough in God's sight and in the sight of those with whom I surrounded myself. That led to apathy towards my Savior. My walk was ritualistic and in no way heartfelt. Through the grace of God I came to the Village and God opened my eyes. I will never be good enough, but praise God because through Christ's blood I am seen as holy and blameless in His sight.
Today, I am grateful. Grateful for grace. I am also in awe of an amazing God who loves me when I am at my worst. I am glad that the Lord is faithful to remind me of these things. I am so unworthy, but God is chasing me and wooing me day by day to bring me to a REAL relationship with Him and He's showing me that I'm no longer that girl who is desperately trying to check things off of a list in order to gain approval. Thank you, Lord!
~Megan
I was doing my step studies homework tonight and just reflecting on Genesis 3:1-13 The Fall of Man. I have read this story too many times to count. This story was read to me over and over during my Christian school days. Until now, I never fully realized the weight of my sin.
Gen. 3:8-10: 8. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9. But the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?" 10. He (man) answered, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."
Before I came to the village I was just like Adam and Eve. The Lord obviously knew my sin, but instead of going to Him for help I decided to hide my face from Him when I needed Him the most. I'm so thankful for a homegroup full of ladies who are open and honest with each other. I've never experienced a place where I could talk about my sin and get Godly counsel and advice. I've always been told to keep my problems inside and deal with them myself until I was "good enough" for God. That's exactly what I did. I tried to get to a place where I was "good enough" to start my relationship with Him. You can imagine what that did to my relationsip with the Lord. I fell into the trap of "religion over relationship". My relationship with Christ was a checklist that I needed to complete in order to be worthy enough in God's sight and in the sight of those with whom I surrounded myself. That led to apathy towards my Savior. My walk was ritualistic and in no way heartfelt. Through the grace of God I came to the Village and God opened my eyes. I will never be good enough, but praise God because through Christ's blood I am seen as holy and blameless in His sight.
Today, I am grateful. Grateful for grace. I am also in awe of an amazing God who loves me when I am at my worst. I am glad that the Lord is faithful to remind me of these things. I am so unworthy, but God is chasing me and wooing me day by day to bring me to a REAL relationship with Him and He's showing me that I'm no longer that girl who is desperately trying to check things off of a list in order to gain approval. Thank you, Lord!
~Megan
Thursday, January 14, 2010
the Pride Piper
Hello ladies. I feel as though God taught me a lesson on Tuesday and well, I thought I'd share my humbling experience with all of you. . . and well i guess anyone else who happens to hack into this blog.
My personal prayer for my own heart lately has been one of correction. My daily prayer has been: "God please have mercy on me. Please correct me. Teach me . Reprove me. Humble me. Please, allow me to understand the Scriptures." Basically, my prayer has been Psalm 139: 23&24--"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." Well ladies, let me tell you. . . God has been answering. And by answering, I only grow to realize how much more I am in need of a God. That no matter what, I will always come up short; I will never be "fixed" or "perfect" and I will never "arrive" at sanctification. What i mean is that I will always need God to correct, challenge, change and mold me into something that reflects Jesus more than my former self once did.
So on Tuesday, my supervisor approaced me about a system to reduce missed appointments. See the thing is, I had already developed my own protocol/system of handling that particular problem (which consisted of sticking post-its to my computer moniter. . . .oh yeah, super innovative!). I proceeded to explain to him that I already had a system, and that it workd 75% of the time and how that's pretty darn good. However, he didn't really seem all that impressed. He wanted me to change that to this and this to that, all of which would be rather inconvenient for me. So what was my initial reaction? It was not appreciative that's for sure. Rather than accepting his constructive criticism, I felt as though he was under-appreciating my performance. I proceeded to defend both my job performance and my stupid system, until he said that it wasn't a matter of performance but rather that he was trying to improve our office all around. At that point, something kind of clicked in my head. I then realized that he was only offering constructive criticism. . . and also that i am an idiot. Haha, I mean I pray every day for correction but my first reaction was to reject it rather than embrace it. God help me; this was a humbling experience. How often does our pride stand in the way of God teaching us new things? What I did take away from this experience, was a sense of victory even in this failure. I say that becuase God pointed out a pride issue in my heart; God still answered my prayer, He pointed out that which was offensive to Him--my pride. This shows me that God is in fact leading me down the path of sanctification. Oh my soul, praise Him!
My personal prayer for my own heart lately has been one of correction. My daily prayer has been: "God please have mercy on me. Please correct me. Teach me . Reprove me. Humble me. Please, allow me to understand the Scriptures." Basically, my prayer has been Psalm 139: 23&24--"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." Well ladies, let me tell you. . . God has been answering. And by answering, I only grow to realize how much more I am in need of a God. That no matter what, I will always come up short; I will never be "fixed" or "perfect" and I will never "arrive" at sanctification. What i mean is that I will always need God to correct, challenge, change and mold me into something that reflects Jesus more than my former self once did.
So on Tuesday, my supervisor approaced me about a system to reduce missed appointments. See the thing is, I had already developed my own protocol/system of handling that particular problem (which consisted of sticking post-its to my computer moniter. . . .oh yeah, super innovative!). I proceeded to explain to him that I already had a system, and that it workd 75% of the time and how that's pretty darn good. However, he didn't really seem all that impressed. He wanted me to change that to this and this to that, all of which would be rather inconvenient for me. So what was my initial reaction? It was not appreciative that's for sure. Rather than accepting his constructive criticism, I felt as though he was under-appreciating my performance. I proceeded to defend both my job performance and my stupid system, until he said that it wasn't a matter of performance but rather that he was trying to improve our office all around. At that point, something kind of clicked in my head. I then realized that he was only offering constructive criticism. . . and also that i am an idiot. Haha, I mean I pray every day for correction but my first reaction was to reject it rather than embrace it. God help me; this was a humbling experience. How often does our pride stand in the way of God teaching us new things? What I did take away from this experience, was a sense of victory even in this failure. I say that becuase God pointed out a pride issue in my heart; God still answered my prayer, He pointed out that which was offensive to Him--my pride. This shows me that God is in fact leading me down the path of sanctification. Oh my soul, praise Him!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
What's the next step?
After a wonderful night of conversation with one another, I was thinking, "okay, so what's the next step." We have confessed to sin and struggles in our life, what do we do now to get rid of it??
Take a look at Colossians 3:1-17, maybe it will give us some direction.
1If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Take a look at Colossians 3:1-17, maybe it will give us some direction.
1If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 On account of these the wrath of God is coming. 7 In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. 8But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices 10and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. 11 Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.
12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, giving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
15And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
According to this passage, here is how we completely turn our backs to sin in repentance...- Focus my heart on YHWH, the LORD. Not earthly things.
- Examine my sin, and put it to death.
- Share what sin I am struggling with to someone I trust, ask that they would walk with me through it (honestly laying out my transgressions, not lying about my junk).
- Be there for someone else wrestling through sanctification, being clothed with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
- Bear and forgive my friends' sins and transgressions, just as I have been forgiven of my own in Christ.
- Constantly wearing love in all that I do, say, and think.
- Only let Christ take rule over my heart and life. Strive for His name to be glorified in all that I do. Acknowledge and enjoy the peace of Jesus ruling my life.
- Live a life full of thanksgiving for all that God has done.
- Dive into the Word of God and let it dwell in my life. Memorize, recall, and surround my life with His truth.
- Sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs of praise to the Savior who has saved me NOW, not some better future-version of myself.
- Everything I do, I do in the name of the LORD.
- Pray and petition to God on each others' behalf, and our own, that God would be merciful, forgiving, and mighty in our lives. Asking for Him to open our eyes to recognize His love for us, and desire to glorify His name.
- Find a specific verse concerning your sin, write it on a note card, and place it in the environment where that sin/temptation often occurs. Let the "sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God" fight for you! (Ephesians 6: 17)
- Choose someone who you can call, text, or whatever to pray for and hold you accountable to your sin.
- Come up with a game plan to wrestle with your sin with a friend. Help each other analyze your sin, search for why it continues to reoccur, and create preventions to its temptation.
- Write out a specific prayer you can pray when temptation confronts you. Cry out to the Lord who is the only one who can bear our sins. "The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles."-Psalm 34:17 (read the whole psalm, it's simply amazing!!)
Romans 11:26
"And in this way all Israel will be saved, as it is written,
'The Deliverer will come from Zion,
He will banish ungodliness from Jacob';
'and this will be my covenant with them
when I take away their sins.'"
**Isaiah 59:20, 21
"And in this way all Israel will be saved, as it is written,
'The Deliverer will come from Zion,
He will banish ungodliness from Jacob';
'and this will be my covenant with them
when I take away their sins.'"
**Isaiah 59:20, 21
Love,
Linds : )
Linds : )
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Also...
Also I wanted to say that tonight at group was really encouraging for me, for many reasons. Melissa did an excellent job sharing how the Spirit is really working in her life and how God is continuously revealing things in her heart and transforming her from the inside out. And I have been feeling really down lately, but I always look forward to these Tuesday nights knowing I will be lifted up in gospel community to praise and glorify Him. Like refilling your gas tank, no?
Something I wanted to say tonight that I forgot to say was I want everyone to realize how absolutely amazing our group is. We are all blessed to be able to form relationships with each other seeing as we are all on fire for the Lord and the relationships and community we build will glorify Him through accountability, encouragement, truth, etc. and I am most ecstatic at the fact that our group is SO incredibly TRUTHFUL. I mean we tell it like it is! I love that we can call each other out as fellow believers to enhance our walks with Christ.
He put our group together. He is weaving Himself in our lives while weaving our lives together. What more could we ask for? :)
Something I wanted to say tonight that I forgot to say was I want everyone to realize how absolutely amazing our group is. We are all blessed to be able to form relationships with each other seeing as we are all on fire for the Lord and the relationships and community we build will glorify Him through accountability, encouragement, truth, etc. and I am most ecstatic at the fact that our group is SO incredibly TRUTHFUL. I mean we tell it like it is! I love that we can call each other out as fellow believers to enhance our walks with Christ.
He put our group together. He is weaving Himself in our lives while weaving our lives together. What more could we ask for? :)
What?!
HOLY PUNCH!
Yes. It just hit you.
For those of you who don't know what the holy punch is, ask next group. For those who do know what it is, I think we should put on our shirts "ask me what the holy punch is."
LOL.
From Warren.
Yes. It just hit you.
For those of you who don't know what the holy punch is, ask next group. For those who do know what it is, I think we should put on our shirts "ask me what the holy punch is."
LOL.
From Warren.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
PRAISE HIM!!!
Dear Beautiful Ladies of My Beloved Home Group,
I thought it would be fun to have a blog for our group. One that all of us have the username and password so we can write in it whenever we want. There are a lot of ideas behind it, but the main idea is to encourage each other in Christ. I had a difficult situation the other day and asked a few of you to pray for me and the Lord really responded. I got really excited and wanted to share with everyone as well as document it so I can go back and look at how the Lord is working in my life. I thought it would be encouraging for you all to read my story, and hopefully if things happen to you where you know there was divine intervention, you will write in this blog as encouragement to us and something for us to always remember as it is documented.
Also, if you have any thoughts or responses to posts, or verses or prayers, I thought it would be a good idea to use this blog for that as well. For instance, the Lord really spoke to me through scripture the other day when I was dealing with a lot of temptation (I was really tempted to call and yell at Philip for a lot of things) and for some reason I ended up in Corinthians and came across 1 Corinthians 10:12-13. It basically states that if you think you are standing strong in your faith be careful not to fall. Yes, we are tempted, but we are not tempted more than our neighbor and when we are tempted God ALWAYS provides a way out. Reading that gave me a lot of peace.
But anyways, here is what happened the other day, which I wrote in my own private blog and just copied and pasted (to be specific January 7, 2010 around 7pm lol):
I had a rough day today. It was Philip's 25th birthday and I was upset with him as he was being selfish and is still irresponsible, and I had to go to FW with the baby for his bday dinner at a very crowded and loud buffalo wild wings. Not the best place for a baby, especially one who just got 3 shots in her legs. There were a few talks here and there which involved me finding out more lies about racy and provocative things, such as a maxim magazine he has. He decided to put it in a drawer instead of throwing it away bc he doesn't think it will harm Izzy if she were to ever find it. Nice. I got really frustrated. I sent a text to a few of you asking for prayers as I knew I was being tempted to cause a scene and have a fit about a few things - I could feel the frustration and anger building. Within 20 minutes I felt the Lord respond. I felt a peace and remembered some things. Here's what I remembered: God is outside of time. He can see the big picture and I can't. I am here now, in the present time and can only see what is here now. He is the ultimate provider. He has taken care of me up til now and will continue to do so. I fear too much. I was not trusting in Him. I cant change Philip. I can't be his savior.
Isn't that awesome? That was all the Lord's doing. I mean seriously how amazing is it that we have a God that loves us and that hears our prayers and responds to them? And some of you (most of you) don't realize how bitter I am about the Philip situation in general, so there is no way I felt at peace and remembered those things on my own. That was divine intervention baby!
I hope that was as encouraging to you all as it was to me and I can't wait to hear about the Lord working in your lives as well. I love you all! I'm excited about this!
LOVE, LAUREN :) :) :)
I thought it would be fun to have a blog for our group. One that all of us have the username and password so we can write in it whenever we want. There are a lot of ideas behind it, but the main idea is to encourage each other in Christ. I had a difficult situation the other day and asked a few of you to pray for me and the Lord really responded. I got really excited and wanted to share with everyone as well as document it so I can go back and look at how the Lord is working in my life. I thought it would be encouraging for you all to read my story, and hopefully if things happen to you where you know there was divine intervention, you will write in this blog as encouragement to us and something for us to always remember as it is documented.
Also, if you have any thoughts or responses to posts, or verses or prayers, I thought it would be a good idea to use this blog for that as well. For instance, the Lord really spoke to me through scripture the other day when I was dealing with a lot of temptation (I was really tempted to call and yell at Philip for a lot of things) and for some reason I ended up in Corinthians and came across 1 Corinthians 10:12-13. It basically states that if you think you are standing strong in your faith be careful not to fall. Yes, we are tempted, but we are not tempted more than our neighbor and when we are tempted God ALWAYS provides a way out. Reading that gave me a lot of peace.
But anyways, here is what happened the other day, which I wrote in my own private blog and just copied and pasted (to be specific January 7, 2010 around 7pm lol):
I had a rough day today. It was Philip's 25th birthday and I was upset with him as he was being selfish and is still irresponsible, and I had to go to FW with the baby for his bday dinner at a very crowded and loud buffalo wild wings. Not the best place for a baby, especially one who just got 3 shots in her legs. There were a few talks here and there which involved me finding out more lies about racy and provocative things, such as a maxim magazine he has. He decided to put it in a drawer instead of throwing it away bc he doesn't think it will harm Izzy if she were to ever find it. Nice. I got really frustrated. I sent a text to a few of you asking for prayers as I knew I was being tempted to cause a scene and have a fit about a few things - I could feel the frustration and anger building. Within 20 minutes I felt the Lord respond. I felt a peace and remembered some things. Here's what I remembered: God is outside of time. He can see the big picture and I can't. I am here now, in the present time and can only see what is here now. He is the ultimate provider. He has taken care of me up til now and will continue to do so. I fear too much. I was not trusting in Him. I cant change Philip. I can't be his savior.
Isn't that awesome? That was all the Lord's doing. I mean seriously how amazing is it that we have a God that loves us and that hears our prayers and responds to them? And some of you (most of you) don't realize how bitter I am about the Philip situation in general, so there is no way I felt at peace and remembered those things on my own. That was divine intervention baby!
I hope that was as encouraging to you all as it was to me and I can't wait to hear about the Lord working in your lives as well. I love you all! I'm excited about this!
LOVE, LAUREN :) :) :)
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