The Lord is WHO defines me :)

Hello ladies!! Melissa is finally POSTING!!

This Sunday listening to JR Vassar really did wonders for my soul. I don't know if all of you have talked with me but I have just been struggling with being sensitive to sin and truly feeling the grace of God, I have been wiped clean and it would be prideful of me to not accept the Lord's beautiful grace. Recently, also, I have decided not to go to Spain and instead, as a work of God, have decided to apply for the Guatemala III mission trip. The application was full of deep, life enriching, faith provoking questions. I spent 10 hours on the application, writing my testimony and so on. One of the questions asked to explain some of the defining moments in your life. It wasn't until I had written the answer and reread it that all of the defining moments in my life all revolved around the Lord and Him graciously pursuing me and transforming my heart. I think this is beautiful - life really is empty without the Lord. I just wanted to share what I had written about my "life defining moments", keep in mind it was written for someone who doesn't know me, and share with you a slight glimpse at how God has been working in my life and truly changing me. I am living for Him and Him alone, He is my rock, He is my life, He is salvation and He alone is our one true love.

I believe that all of the defining moments in my life truly are examples of the Lord wooing me to Him and continue with spiritual growth. As previously explained, I am extremely new to faith. However, my newness to faith does not negate the Holy Spirit and how on-fire for the Lord I feel. I have lived a very blessed life free of any serious hardships or traumatic experiences. Before my faith, I used to think that I didn’t have any defining moments in my life; however, ever since my life began with the Lord a new light has been shed and the blinds over my eyes have been opened.

When considering this question, three specific life events come to mind, which have all occurred during the last year and a half. First, I have to say that one of the defining moments in my life involved my move to Texas and finding the Lord. I was 19 at the time and drove 19 hours straight across the country leaving everything I have ever known behind. I have my reasons for why I thought I moved but the Lord is showing me daily that they truly are His reasons and for His glory. I came to Texas after living in a small town in Wisconsin for my entire life not knowing my father, step mother and grandmother, which whom I’d be living, I came without friends, without a support group, without the boyfriend I was with for four years, without a major or any knowledge of my new school, without a mental map of the roads, without a job, without the support of my mother back home, without much money, without any sense of myself. A move across the country may not seem like a big deal considering the fact that I left one rural area only to come to another where I knew that money, healthcare and a home would always be attainable however, I was devoid of any feelings for or knowledge of the Lord, I was scared and felt alone. Being young and selfish, I didn’t really think of the repercussions of my move until two weeks after my arrival and things began settling in; this new life was hard. I was living with the standards that “nothing is ever enough”. I couldn’t find a job and when I did, it didn’t pay enough. I went to school and felt like a 90% could have been a 95%, the people I met in classes drank and experimented with drugs, something I never did. My parents didn’t know me nor did they strive to create a relationship with the daughter that had been almost forgotten for 19 years. I struggled with friendships and wrestled with meaningless, empty relationships. I called my mother crying pleading to come back home and almost did. It was at almost breaking point that the Lord revealed Himself to me and my life began, all new, better than ever and more fulfilling than the life I had back home. I can now see that the struggles and tribulations were all part of His plan to woo me to Him and accept Him as my savior.

Another defining moment in my life began with a “neat Christian guy” and ended with a broken heart. From the outside, it sounds like the average young break-up story but those three months will always be written upon my heart. To make a three-month long journal into a brief paragraph, that relationship was one of the most empty yet satisfying relationships I have ever had. The relationship as a whole was empty. First, full of butterflies and countless hours spent together only to find out it was all a lie and left me full of guilt and bitterness due to my sexual sin. It is pretty easy to fill in the gaps but the hurt and bitterness on my end is not my focus. I strive, to this day to focus on the joy it has brought to my life – contradictory, right? In essence, this is a small example of how I can see the joy and the sorrow in the cross of our savior. My sorrow comes from my sin, guilt, bitterness, suffering and anger but my joy comes from that fact that I have been forgiven, still have the one true love in my life and have a hope in the one true God which is eternal. One of the hardest things I had to do was thank the Lord for providing me a time of such trial but I praise Him for allowing me to grow into a deeper dependency on Him. How gracious He was in providing me the opportunity to truly feel the weight of my sin leading to an understanding of my need for a savior and the cross that He has graciously and mercifully provided me and my wicked heart.

Thirdly, another defining moment in my life just occurred recently. Again, impossible to completely explain on an application but involves the complete change and renewing of my heart. Before knowing the Lord I wasn’t exactly what you would call a “child person”. I didn’t necessarily dislike children, I just didn’t have the passion to hold babies and name my future children, if I was having any, as most young women do. Babysitting wasn’t high on my priority list and as far as I was concerned neither was being a mom. I slowly could feel the Lord working in my heart changing my view on children and started not only accepting but joyously embracing my role as a woman, including future motherhood. Through a series of radical God-driven events, I was led to the Little Village ministry and could not describe my experiences there in less than 100 adjectives. The preschool ministry has become one of the biggest joys in my life, continually renewing me. Each day being able to impact children, encourage them, present them with a Godly foundation and love and nurture them has done more for my heart than words can explain. So much so, I recently changed my major from business to ESL elementary education. For once in my life I feel like I am answering my calling. I have a peace in my heart knowing that I have found my niche, I can make a difference, one that starts with one child but will eventually lead to another child, to a family, to a community, to a city with no ending point in sight. Praise, praise, praise the Lord! J